Its been a looong while since I've written anything. I haven't forgot, i just didn't feel the need to write anything. Yet, after reading everyone's livejournal, I felt the need to write something.
It seems like although I haven't talked to anyof you in a good month, maybe two, lots of things have change, and reading livejournal brought me up to speed, and let me in on things.... yet one thing has stood out between all of you... You all seem very sad, and or depressed. Although theres the ocasional good entry when your happy or excited, it seems like if you don't have anyhting to look forward to your not happy. And I DON'T want this to sound like I'm critisizing any of you in ANY way, but I'm stating what I'm seeing, and trying to explain something.
Erica.- Your last entry, although was very deep, and interesting, made me feel sad, and made me feel like your really upset. and of course sometimes I feel the way you do, that life is pointless and there doesn't seem to be any reason to do anything anymore, yet for some reason i continue to do the things I do, and life turns out to not be that bad. And although yes, for the next two years all you have to look forward to is school, but life is unique, and magical in the way that it can throw in anything, and make your expiriences different. yes, maybe your going through a "dry spell" and there is absolutly nothing happening whatso ever of interest, yet, life will work, and bring you something, that makes you happy. I know one thing that we would always talking about, with each other and allyson and emili and stuff was love, and it's concepts and how we never seem to find it. Recently I have learned that love comes in many forms, and is portrayed in male for more frequently. You can find love anywhere if you take off the male only part. And even if you are looking for a guy, I also have learned, that he will find you when you least expect it, and when you are expecting him at all times, it just takes that much longer. If you don't pay attension to love, or finding it, it, or he. will find you when you least expect it, or you will realize the one who may probably be for you. It's kinda like stargazing. When you look at the stars you WANT to see a shooting star, yet when you star and always think, ok when is it going to come? then it wont, but when your gazing, thinking, and pondering, time goes by quicker, and then wooah, a shooting star. Got it? And with the concept of life going in a repetitave cycle, yes, it does, but only if YOU make it like that. if you don't change the way your living then you will be in the same cycle. and feeling empty is NORMAL. Feeling empty is better than feeling hurt, and sometimes you need to feel empty to restore your feelings back to normal.
Allyson- Although your last entry didn't seem as depressing as erica's, i do feel as if you are overwhelmed alot, and you shouldn't be. I know im not one to say, cause i dropped out of honors bio ON PURPOSE, i do know that mrs. becker ruins lives through the excrusiating pain of biology. :) but I CAN relate to the fact that coming back from something amazingly wonderful, wether its being with someone you love, or doing something fun, can suck sooo bad when the moment you've spent are over. But although it seems completely WRONG that life can't be perfect, and fair for everyone, if you think about it, it wouldn't be right. If life was perfect for everyone, no one would know the meaning of happiness. You would be living happiness all the time, and not apreciating the things life or god, has given you. when you have a bad day it sucks, yet you know it wont suck all the time, and life will eventually redeem itself with an amazing moment of fun, excitment, etc. So if life was amazing ALL the time, you wouldnt be happy, although you think you would, you wouldn't know the difference. Yes, society DOES suck in the way when you are sapoused to blend, andbe the same, etc. etc. but, that is just a RUMOR, or SHOW. You don't have to be the same, and well, NOBODY is holding you back. Since society is so big, many people get the illusion that you have to follow it or well, you will be crushed by it. but thats wrong. You can be the person you want to be, without getting held back. Itts just a task that not alot of people want to concor, because society being so big. I understand you. and I hope that you understand that.
Emili- Your last entries haven't portrayed you as depressed as i've seen you been in the past, but, I'd like tocomment on your entry about 2006 and 2007........ I agree with 2006 being a difficult year, and it being one of those things that you just wish would go away, but yet, you can't just forget it, and even if you did, like i said to allyson, it wouldn't play a factor in the happiness part of life. When you have a bad year, or a bad moment, when the happy moments come, you think wow, this is better than last year, or this is better when the time that blah blah blah. If you don't have a bad thing to relate to a happy moment, then you don't feel the happiness penetrate yourself. With you forgetting the key moments of your life, at the same time, you throwing away peices of you life that need to be there to complete the puzzle; to make you the person you become to be in life... and the fact that you did redeem yourself, telling yourself that thats NOT how you want to live, is one giant step for yourself. and proves that you really can make the next year more amazing then the last. and now that this past year was bad, you have a standard to pass, and to work at. Condtradiction of yourself can be ery hard to not do, yet, from expirence, is completely normal, and is just the fact of your intuition, and the facts contradicting each other. and its somthing that takes time to sort out. On the subject of love, and friendship, like i said to erica, love is something that someone can want sooo bad, and can make a person do things like what you did with corey, yet, if you wait, be patient, it comes to you without even knowing. And when it eventually comes it will be amazing. Alot like love, friendship is great, and a good thing to have, but alot unlike love, friendship is easier to get, and harder to maintain. I know the issues at the beggining of last year and the end of 2005 brought me and you apart, and well, kept us at a distance, but now that you have friends, new and old, it is definatly a good idea to keep them close,and not to lose them. and i COMPLETELY agree with you final paragraph. 2006 may be a transition year, and now you know what it takes to go through 2007. :)
BEQ- reading your last enry was a surprise, and well, i felt more related to you then ever before. The whole tim wicks thing WAS a surprise, and i myself and not surprised that you were upset by it. It is events like these that do make one question life as a whole, and can make you think that, wow i could die any minute. but yet...its things like this that keep one behind, and not advance in their life. If you are worried about dying, then you won't spend anytime living. adn this is a concept that many people don't grasp until they are close to, or on their deathbed. If you are questioning life, and contradict yourself about dieing and the purpose of life, you are COMPLETLY missing the facts of life that bring happiness, and excitment. life brings the factors of risks, and insecurities, but if you dwell on these things, it makes life SUCK in an emotional way. You seem to need to live life the way it is, and not brign delemas upon yourself, because it makes things more difficult.... I am NOT saying that you can't be concerned for the ones that DO get hurt, but you shouldn't worry abut the ones that are fine. Like stated before, if you wait for things to happen, then yeah, maybe they don't seem as bad when they do happen, but they make things go by slower, and makes things dull. You need to go on in life living it to its best, and making life be good to you, and not let you worry or get you down.
Anna- me and you have talked about lots of things in the past, and I just have to say that you are so much more independent now and I am proud of you. =D
So bascially I wrote this NOTTTTT to be mean, but to give people advice. Advice on how to enjoy life, and not get wrapped up in curballs life throws at you. And maybe i sound like a gayyy dr phil. but i don't care. I wrote it to help. and sometimes when I help i just get shot down, but i can't help it if I help people. so don't comment if you don't like what I've said, and I'm sorry.
I just think that everyone should live life to its best. And as corny as it sounds, no matter how hard life gets...I hope that everyone ends up happy in the end.